She has forgiven me...

****Warning! Skin shot!****

She will sit near me again:

In the name of health

Sara over at Happy Foody (and of Live Lightly and Walk Slowly, Live Wildly. Whoo! That girl is busy) has a challenge to have one raw, green smoothie or juice everyday for 30 days. I'm a few days late with the start date but I still intent to do this for 30 days. She has a lot of simple recipes on her site if you are interested.

I am doing this because I have got to get a handle on a crazy sugar addiction I have been battling since I was a child. I used to eat sugar by the spoonful. It is a terrible habit. It only intensified when I was pregnant and still hasn't diminished like I thought it would. And I need to be the steward of the little ones body since what goes in me goes in him.

Also, since we are moving I will be stressed out beyond belief and will probably not eat well. I need to work in some simple solutions to keep me on track and to help try to drop some baby weight. While it might be a bit klutzy since I only have a handheld blender (that doesn't really work with crushing ice) it might be a good excuse to get an upright blender.

Misc.

I really wish I had enough content for a post that wasn't just a mismash of topics. I guess I don't think enough about one thing to write about:

Moving with a baby is going to be tough. We are going to try to do a few minor renovations before we put the house on the market but yikes! I need another set of hands to either help Trout or watch Bubs. But, because becoming a mom requires you to become multi-tasker extraordinaire I'm not too worried. Only a little worried.

Bubs is babbling A LOT. When Trout gets home he puts Bubs on the bed and changes his diaper. Then Bubs will precede to talk to him for a long, long time. I think he's ratting mommy out to daddy. It is so cute and it is really touching to Trout. He misses his boy.

I ran for the first time in almost a year. Granted it was for 5 minutes after my 30 minute walk on the treadmill but that is all it takes for me to get back into the swing of it. Maybe I'll see if I can move the treadmill to my mom's. Might be a good influence on her too.

Now, cute pictures:


Since Bubs has better head control using the Moby Wrap is working out now. I think I've somewhat mastered the learning curve and he seems to enjoy it. Bubs seems only lukewarm to being worn a lot. Sometimes he gets fussy but it fine once I take him out and lay him down. He's such a squirmy bugger and I think he gets frustrated if he can't move his entire body RIGHT NOW. If I am walking while wearing him, he falls asleep.

I'm trying to find child care for a few hours in the afternoon while I am at work. I feel kind of stupid because I don't know what to ask. There aren't many options given the time of day I will be working so maybe that will eliminate some of the questions for me. I guess I'm relying more on mama instinct when I check out the facilities. That has always seemed to work for me.

Today is a day of errands again. Hopefully I'll get most of the list done.

Baby paraphanelia

Yikes:
It might be a good thing if Bowie and I are staying with my parents while we try to sell the house. I'll take all this crap with me and people won't need to look at all this stuff while looking at the house.

This is all the stuff that is in front of the loveseat where I park my ass for most of the day. Ye gads.

Duh

Bubs weighed in at 10 lbs and 22 inches at his two month appt. Just a little peanut! Mommy also got a lecture about declining vaccinations. Always a good time.

Thoughts on moving

Trout and I have lived in 8 different dwellings. This does not include the first year we were dating and I crashed at his apartment every night. I really thought we had settled and I could start hoarding memories in crawl spaces.

But, moving is always a good excuse to dump clutter. However Trout hangs on to items way longer than necessary. Since we don't have a lot of time before I start my job (March 17, Bowie's 3 month b-day!) I'm trying to dump as much as possible and be an influence to Trout to let it go. It hasn't worked the past 8 moves, but never say never.

I did dump ( = donate) most of my maternity pants as they were capris and shorts. I can fit into some of my pre-pregnancy pants, but I did hang on to my favorite pair of maternity pants (and one pair I wore to work). I still have 10-15 lbs to get before I'm back into my zone, but I don't think it will be enough for my hips. I think they are permanently going to be an inch or two (or 3) wider.

Bubs (my boys nickname which may become his blog name) is fighting sleep after a few good days of happy baby. Poor thing.

I'll try to post pictures of our moving experience, take 9.

Holy hell

I accepted the job.

Now, without going into to much detail lets just say that on paper I shouldn't have accepted the job. There are some perks that I have to give up (hopefully only temporarily). We may have to be creative to make sure our bills are paid.

However, I will have more time with my son for at least the remainder of the year. And that was really the deciding factor.

I'll still be in my line of work, doing what I love. I was unhappy with my current position but not unhappy with what I do. I just won't be spending as much time there and it will be in my and Trout's hometown. Both of our parents are there and we still have friends there. We talked about moving back there if one of us ever had a good opportunity. This is a good opportunity.

We do have to sell our house, which makes us terribly nervous and Trout has to find a job. But it has to be a job that he is actually interested in, not just something he falls into. If need be he will keep his current job until the house sells.

It will suck in the short term I'm sure but it will be worth it in the long run. It really came down to whether or not I wanted money or more time with my son. Let me tell you how terrifying it was to think this through. It is very, very hard to willingly give up a huge security blanket even if it may only be for the short term. It is scary. I was sobbing all morning going through "what if?" scenarios. But we have to make a change and I had to make that decision. We will be a happier family for it.

Wow. There is a lot I have to do...anyone want to buy some furniture?

Another jumbled post

We got the sweet, sweet second car. I am no longer trapped in my house watching the snow fall because IT IS SNOWING AGAIN!

Bowie sleeps so well in the car and is now starting to refuse naps during the day. Throw the baby in the car and go for an hour and a half of quiet!

I also got a job offer. Trout and I are mulling it over as it would involve a move and selling our house. We are not in a position to pay for two dwellings at the moment. When it rains change, it pours for me.

Nothing in particular

Feeling better. Feeling better about being a mommy and life in general. I did, however, decide that when we go to the family practice doctor in a week and a half I may ask about going on an anti-anxiety medication. While I've been feeling pretty good it came out of feeling pretty low. I don't want to sink before I can buoy back up to normal. When and if Bowie decides not to be the excellent sleeper that he is will only make it worse. I feel like I'm on the border and slight variations may be enough to push me into something ugly.

I took Pax.il once before and it turned me into a zombie. I recall watching a stretch of television, comedies, and not laughing once. I realized that I had flatlined emotionally and I did.not.like.it. Sure I wasn't anxious, but to feel nothing? Not even to laugh? Too much for me, or rather, not enough. Though I need to do more research about the safest anti-depressant/anxiety medication for breastfeeding mummies (I think Z0l0ft?).

Today I did manage to brush my teeth and hair, wash my face, put on real clothing, and make myself a decent lunch. I also was able to wash some linens since we change Bowie on our bed and, ahem, it was starting to reek of pee with a sprinkle of dried spit-up and milk. Ick.

I also have started pumping which is going better than I thought it would. I did get a hand held pump though which is not as easy to handle when trying to nurse the boy on the other boob. However, pumps are pricey! I got one bag in the freezer, though. Yea!

I swear that when I put Bowie in his swing he spends the first few minutes cursing me for not holding him (back, forward, back):
Hehe.

Here's a picture of the books I got from inter library loan:

A sunny day after about a foot of snow.

Cracked

The weather, the isolation, the trapped feeling I had being stuck in the house finally caught up to me. Trout and I were snipping at each other and I reached my breaking point. I called my parents and they picked up me and Bowie and we stayed with them for a week. I needed to clear my head because I was very very depressed and feeling trapped.

That week we had -40 degree wind chills. Bowie and I were able to use my dad's car and go walk in the mall. He was an angel and I was thankful to get out of the house and move around. It was also good practice for anxiety-ridden mommy taking baby out and about on her own. I don't have any fears about taking him on adventures.

The tail end of that trip included a job interview in my hometown. I didn't realize how rusty I am with simple conversation, especially on a professional level. The interview went ok but it was not one of my best. I will find out at the end of the week.

We are pre-approved for a car loan and we may have found a second vehicle. This makes me terribly excited and I hope we can find something soon.