Bowie's birth

As indicated by my previous posts, I had a small leaking problem that carried into 12/14-12/16. On the 16th we went to see the midwife to make sure it wasn't my water breaking. She took a swab and declared that she didn't see any ferning (amniotic fluid is high in salt and it ferns on a slide) but I had a yeast infection. I got an Rx for that and Trout and I decided to stay in town and see if we could get any X-mas shopping done. We got some gifts and bought a stop watch since we both realized neither of us owned a watch to time contractions.

We got home at around 4 and I was tired, but for some reason I was unable to take a nap (I nap like crazy whenever I can). We hung around and Trout wrapped some X-mas gifts.

Around 8 or so I was starting to feel strange so I hoped in the shower. When I got out of the shower I started to have some mild pain and lost a bit of the baby cork. I laid in bed for a while and the pain was definitely getting stronger, but the timing of it was not consistent in anyway. I decided to get in the bath tub and see how I felt.

I loved being in the tub and I was there for a while. I stared at my ginormous belly and decided that this could be early labor and why the hell didn't I take a nap?

Trout went to bed around 10-10:30 and I told him I would wake him up if I needed him. I sat in the dining room in the dark and timed contractions. This time they were getting closer together but still lacking a pattern. Then I needed to start breathing through them.

I woke Trout up and called the midwife around midnight. She said that it sounded like I was in early labor and that we should stay home for a bit, I would labor better at home. She listened to me breathe through a few more contractions and said to call her back in a couple of hours.

This is where things start to get a bit blurry. I remember getting into the shower again and breathing through contractions. When I got out I went on my knees with my elbows on the bed and stayed there for what seemed to be a very long time. I could hear Trout clicking the stop watch, "Beep!"

All of a sudden contractions were coming in waves that sometimes had me breathing through two right on top of another. Trout said this is when the cat came into our room and watched me with a very concerned look on her face. All of a sudden Brook has my coat and he is putting on my shoes. He had called the midwife and essentially said, "That's it, time for us to go." That was around 3:30 am.

Now, we have a 40-ish minute drive to the birth center. I kept my eyes closed most of the time because when I did open my eyes I would do the mileage and time in my head based on our location. That car ride was the worst experience of my life.

We got to the birth center and I don't even think I said a word to anyone, just stripped off my clothes. The midwife and the student midwife asked if they could check me because there was another woman in labor and they suspected that we were both in the same phase. Having two people at the birth center at the same time is incredibly rare, let alone us being in the same phase of labor. I was checked at 4 cm, which was discouraging to me at first. At this point I was in the tub and just labored away.


This is how I spent most of my labor, which explains why I couldn't move my arms or my back for two days afterward.

The midwife called a back-up midwife to attend to me as she needed to be with the other woman. The birthing rooms bathtubs share the same wall structure so I could hear the other woman and I'm pretty sure she could hear me. That was a bit weird but comforting. I was not alone.

I didn't say much the entire time and that surprised, and frightened, Trout immensely. I have a potty mouth and I like to say what I am thinking but the only things I really said were, "Yes, No, Ok and No good." He was talking to me the entire time and putting counter pressure on my hips but I didn't really notice what he was doing or saying. What I wanted him there for was to sink into his physical presence when a contraction was done:

The midwife asked me if I had an urge to push. I said yes and she asked to check me. I was at a 9 (from 4-9 in about 2 hours) and relieved that all that work and pain was doing something. I got out and tried laboring on the toilet which helped. Trout said that with each contraction he could see every back and arm muscle contracting and it kind of freaked him out.

I sat on the toilet for a while but I don't think it was moving things along very fast. The midwives kept asking me to get in different positions, on a labor stool, hands and knees on the bed, squatting. All of these positions hurt like hell and I vetoed every one of them. They hurt and I was too tired to hold myself up. They asked if I wanted to lay on my side on the bed and I said yes. This hurt, but in a good way. I needed to shift my body around in order to get him in a better position to come out.

According to the information the birth center gave me, I pushed for about 3 hours total.

I did feel his wrinkly little head at one point which was an AMAZING motivator. They told me his head was a bit cocked to one side and that was why it was taking a bit longer.

So I pushed like a mofo. One of the nursing assistants got in nice and close with our camera. I'll spare the crowning shots :).

The weirdest feeling in the world is pushing something out of you and then feeling it SLIDE BACK IN. I really hated that so I really got into the pushing. I could feel his head come out, the midwife said something about the cord (I think it was around his neck once) and then he slide right out and they put him on my chest. They started to wrap and wipe him down and I asked, "Is it a boy or a girl?" The midwife laughed and said she forgot to look! So Trout looked and said, "Its a little boy!" This was the first time I noticed that Trout was crying which of course got me crying.

Again, things are a bit blurry in terms of chronology since I had my baby boy with me. I remember that I actually needed to push out the placenta when asked by the midwife. This took more mental concentration rather than physical exertion, which surprised me. They started to look me over because I had torn but I was also very swollen and it was difficult to assess to what degree I was torn. I came very close to tearing into a not so fun area but after getting as many opinions as possible it was determined I had a second degree tear but, "It is a second degree as you can get." It took an hour of stitching. Then I was eternally grateful for the drugs to numb my crotch out for a while. Trout and Bowie snoozed in the rocking chair.

After the stitching was done the midwives let me know that before I left I would have to pee. Hours went by and nothing. I even got in the shower to see if I could pee in the shower. No go, so I had a catheter put in. They ended up taking out a liter of pee. A LITER. That is a lot of pee, my friends.

My mom and my aunt showed up and as the nursing assistant announced, "Your mom is very cute, she is waiting patiently in the waiting area. She announced that she was the grandma when she arrived." My mom is very sweet and she loves her grandbaby :). Thank god those two came home with us to keep me fed and to help me up and down those few early postpartum days.

There are a few other things that happened but I'm not sure where they fit in the narrative. We took a nap, I ate some food. Took multiple showers and still found blood on me, bled all over the floor in which Trout just started following me with a washcloth and cleaner (the nursing assistant, student midwife and midwife were SO IMPRESSED with him).

We left the birth center around 7 o'clock on 12/17 with my baby boy sleeping soundly for a 45 minute car ride. Much quieter than when we were driving there.

There was something that happened during the home visit the next day that I will write about, however the outcome really pissed me off and was completely unnecessary, so I need some time to work that out in order to tell that story free of obscenities. Bottom line is their scale wasn't working properly :( and a lot of interventions came out of that malfunction.

A list of firsts:
-had a baby
-got stitches
-stayed up all night (seriously, even in college I never pulled an all nighter)
-got a catheter

ETA: I didn't realize it but the above picture is of Bowie's first latch and me losing my shit. Very sweet :).

Frustrated

I cannot for the life of me figure out how to properly fold a pre-fold diaper that doesn't overwhelm my little guy. All of the recommended folds make it next to impossible to get a diaper cover over given the bulk. I also cannot get this boy in the Moby Wrap and my arms are killing me.

Sigh.

Getting back into the swing of things

I am starting to feel a bit like my old self. The physical issues are almost completely healed and my mental state is good. The latter is going so well because Bowie is a pretty darn good sleeper (knock on wood) so I am not up all hours of the night. As long as he is sleeping with mama, he will sleep in 3-4 hour stretches, only to wake for a diaper change and to eat.

He did have a freak out 2 nights ago when he cried for 4-5 hours straight. Broke my heart as nothing was consoling the poor little guy. He would stay on the boob for a few minutes and then decide it was NOT RIGHT and start screaming. So, I would switch him to the other side, rinse and repeat for hours. I still don't know what eventually got him to calm down or if he simply wore himself out. During that 4-5 hour cry-a-thon, he was the most alert and wide-eyed as I've ever seen him. The next day he was back to his low key self.

I'm still a bit chapped and sore from feeding but I'm hoping that eventually the nipples will toughen up soon. I got some Nipple Butter that is divine, and I should have more coming my way today.

Small detail that melts my heart

When a baby snuggles with the nipple or the boob after feeding. It is one of the cutest things in the world.

My right nipple

Is taking quite a beating. I think it is due to a sloppy latch with breastfeeding. Nice and scabby.

The left is working BEAUTIFULLY, which is reassuring and frustrating at the same time. I CAN do this correctly, just have some trouble when on the right side. Hopefully it is simple geometry that I need to figure out and we can work through this.

I also just ordered an obscene amount of nipple cream.

Post typed solely with my right hand :)

After shock

I didn't really realize how your body and mind can go into a state of shock after birth. Our first day home is a blur to me. I can see how disoriented I am in this picture:

My mom and my aunt had planned to come and hang out with me so Trout could go to work and someone could stay with me in case I needed to go to the birth center. After Bowie was born we had to call and tell her not to go to our house (she does not have a cell phone) but to come to the birth center instead. She and my aunt took care of me but my aunt kept asking if I was ok and kept shoving protein into me. For having a drug free birth, I was pretty fucking out of it.

Still working on the full birth story, hopefully I can remember enough to make it worth while.

Quick update

My head is spinning trying to think of the big details I should get down now and write the birth story later. I need to type quick.

B0wie R0ber+ Ka.i was born at 9:22 am 12/17/07. I started having contractions around 9 pm 12/16, we left for the birth center around 3 am (which was the worst car ride of my life, btw) went from 4-9 centimeters in about 2.5 hours and spent a lot of time pushing in the tub, on the toilet and then finally side lying on the bed. One of the midwives got some amazingly graphic pictures of him emerging that Trout mentioned he may need some time before he can revisit them. I did tear and needed about an hours worth of suturing, which is now making me hobble like an old woman

Nursing the first day didn't go very well, but now I think we both got it down. That was a bit stressful and completely destroyed how I thought I was doing. But I think I'm over it now (more details on that to come).

I can't believe he is here!

Bowie

Due dates mean nothing

But I'm still disappointed that I am here blogging.

The leaking that I mentioned a post or two ago started back up again. I called the midwife and Trout and I went into town just to check it out.

Well, I am NOT leaking amniotic fluid, but I do have a yeast infection? I say ? because I have never had one in my life and was shocked. I don't really have any symptoms of a yeast infection besides the, uhm, drippiness. She called in a prescription for Di.flucan for me (which is one pill that is suppose to work in 24 hours) as doing anything vaginally at this point would be silly.

So we putzed around town and feigned Christmas shopping for a while then came home. Once we got home I started getting crampy again and had just a smidge of pink on the TP. Now, I did get a speculum check, but she did not do a cervical check, so it could be from messing with my hooha. However she also mentioned that I am a bit dilated (not much though) and my cervix is definitely thinning. WooHoo! I will be happy to get this party started because all these starts and stops are really messing with my head. I'm glad at least some of the work is getting done now, though.

Still here

I almost wish I was equipped with a timer to tell me that I am "done." I know I'm done, but apparently the baby needs some sort of stimuli to know that it is done."Ding!"

Obviously, still pregnant. We'll see how the rest of the weekend plays out. My back is really, really sore today but not much else happening. My mom and possibly my aunt are coming tomorrow. Part of me doesn't want them here if I do go into labor and that makes me feel bad. I just want it to be Trout and me when it does start.

Lighting Makes all the Difference

Case in point:
Doesn't it look serene and pretty? The same shot with the flash is not as flattering, but I think I like this picture so much I'm going to keep this image in my mind rather than the reality.

I want Trout to take a picture of me every night in case the next day is "it." So far the only sign I have is that I had some major leaking issues while I was scurrying to the bus. Of course I didn't think that hey, why don't I slow down? No no. That Chiro appointment had to be gotten to, ON TIME DAMMIT.

My rushing made it look like I peed myself a little.

So, I may be losing a mucous plug? That is what I am hoping is happening. I hope it is not a slow trickle of amniotic fluid. I don't think it is because from what I am told, amniotic fluid has a very distinct, sweet smell. This is just your run-of-the-mill funk.

I love that I am able to type that last sentence and not feel bad about it.

Today was my last day of work and it was like a weight off of my shoulders. I mean, I definitely get that this is not going to be a vacation. In fact, it could be a few of the more trying months of my life. But being able to concentrate on ONE THING makes me feel a lot better about things for some reason.

For some reason blogger is being a bitch about me adding another picture, so I'll update the diaper stash later. We also got a baby bucket on a super good deal from a chain baby store that was going out of business. We have a convertible seat but after Trout put it in neither of us thought it looked very comfortable for an infant. The way our car seat slopes and the way the convertible seat slopes just didn't jive and that baby would have some serious issues being that upright. I'll post pictures of it later, but we were super stoked to get a good deal on a rather stylin' bucket.

**ETA**


My first contour diapers! I'm so excited to have another type to try. I also bought more pre-folds in a last minute oh-my-god-this-may-be-my-last-shopping-trip-in-a-while panic that went on today.

I'm beginning to lose my mind

Every day is an emotional struggle to make it through. I cry every night on the way home. Partially because we have had so much SNOW the past 9 days that we are driving through conditions that I would not consider to be ideal, white-knuckling it the entire way home. My back can barely handle the normal commute time but double it and I am in some serious pain. Then I get all worked up about us buying this house and wishing we lived closer to where we worked. Then I start thinking how we hate where we work and we have no friends or family here and it continues and turns into an emotional waterfall for me.

I think I'm having a huge hormone surge or something because I am also breaking out badly and I cannot get my hair to degrease itself. Ugh. I feel gross. But all I feel are head butts to the cervix, maybe something similar to a contraction or two, but definitely not labor. And this baby is getting squirmier though I can't even imagine the space it has to work in. How the hell can you wiggle so much when there is no room left?

I feel like my emotions are getting way too big for me to handle this week. I don't really know what to do about it. All I can do is take some Rescue Remedy and chill out in my bathtub.

Wow

I can't believe it is almost over. Looking at this picture is a little strange. Though I am SO READY to be done and have this baby, I know I'm going to miss being pregnant. People are nice to you when you're pregnant, for the most part*.

I can't wait to meet Briberty and give him/her a proper name. Hold baby in my arms and snuggle. Not grunt when I put on my own socks.

I can tell that the baby is trying to get into a good position because my back HURTS. Whenever the baby tries to move too much or flop over from left to right, I know it. Hopefully, babe will drop a little more and there will be more room. My ribs are in dire need of a break.

We, obviously, got a tree and put it up. I was able to even put the lights on without assistance. Most tasks I undertake end with an injury of some minor degree.

Last week of work begins tomorrow. We'll see how long I can hold on.

*I work on a college campus and college students are NOT nice to big pregnant bellies. They are oblivious. I can't count how many times I've been belly bumped by some schmuck on a cell phone or come close to being whacked by a book bag. They simply don't care about others around them.

Holidays

I love the holidays, but I haven't been able to do much in terms of decorating. I'm too damn tired and I need Trout to bring down the box from storage. And we don't have a tree yet, not that I want a big ass X-mas tree, but a little one. Really, the top of a tree would be perfect. Maybe we can go and find one this afternoon before it snows again.

Holiday party at work. Left abruptly once I realized my supervisor had a few glasses of wine. She tends to naturally be a bit in people's faces with the chit chat but put some booze in her and it becomes painful to hear. She was cornering co-workers significant others and grilling them on the details of their lives, "Who are you? What do you do?" etc etc. These poor husbands had this look on their faces like, "Who the hell is this woman?" It would be different if my supervisor was actually the co-worker's boss, but she's not. I'm sure the car ride home conversation was interesting.

If I get my ass in gear today I'll post some pictures of my "decorating." I think all the decorations I have are hand-me-downs from my childhood. Hodgepodge decor. Maybe I can dump some that aren't really used anymore.

Home again

I was, again, trapped in my bathroom most of the night. Serves me right for having fast food. I don't eat much of it, so why do I think I can just gobble it down without any after effects? Either that or my body is telling me not to waste my time with that sort of crap and eat better for the physical marathon that is coming up.

I'm still tired. Normally sitting on the pot doesn't wear me out so much. I'm chugging as much water as I can to avoid the dehydration that happened last time.

We had another 3-4 inches of snow fall during commuter time. This lead to an hour and a half commute home due to the conditions. It also led to me sobbing and apologizing profusely to Trout for making him buy a house with me so far away.

I think I'm reconsidering us keeping the house, especially after the baby comes. When I go back to work full-time there is the potential that I would be gone 12 hours in one day when you factor in the commute. That is unacceptable to me. I don't want that to be my "lifestyle." Both Trout and I are miserable in our jobs, so hopefully one of us will find something, somewhere, that will help make this decision for us.

Ah details of life.

I am clearly a midwesterner

Because I stayed home from work again today and the guilt is killing me! What the hell is wrong with me? Why would I feel guilty staying home ONE DAY in a week when 38 weeks pregnant? Sometimes I even sicken myself with my irrationality.

I am just exhausted. My back is killing me from sleeping on my side since my belly is so big. Yes that now makes all sleeping positions uncomfortable.

Trout stayed home for a while, planning to stay home with me all day until his boss called and it was made clear that his boss was on the verge of fucking up big time on some work. I told him I was ok and I didn't think anything was going to happen today, but he is still really uncomfortable leaving me at home without a vehicle. I keep telling him that things generally don't happen quickly, but I think his mom's stories have him freaked out.

His mom's stories? Trout was born 3 weeks early and in about 45 minutes. He is the first born. His younger brother was born 2 weeks early and came in about an hour.

I've told him a number of times that time line is NOT a normal birthin' time line. The chances of that happening to me are pretty slim.

Ok, more diaper pictures:

The bottom 6 are new. While I wanted to have a lot of different types to try out, it was making me nervous that I didn't really have a newborn stash. Not that they will last terribly long. These are Kissaluvs that many people on Mothering.com message boards raved about for newborns and infants. I figured that was good enough for me to get a few more.

Along the same lines, we only had one diaper cover. That was making me very nervous. So I got more:
The mint colored ones to the left are newborn sized while the 3 to the right are smalls. The polar bummis I got at one of my showers are up top and a free bummis whisper pant to round out my collection! All from Nicki's Diapers. Nicki's is going to have a brick and mortar store about 1 hour from me. I think that would be a good car ride test with the little one at some point.

It was an interesting laundry weekend as well. I was reminded why you CLOSE the diaper covers when putting them in the wash. Velcro loves velcro and other fuzzy materials. No harm done but I was glad I remembered that now instead of when sleep deprived and overwhelmed.

I'll have more belly pics to share as well. I broke down and bought some overalls in an obscenely large (man) size. I'm almost embarrassed to type it out.

Ok, not that embarrassed because it is kinda funny. I had to get a men's size 40W by 30L.

The cat series

Various pictures of my cat on my belly. Usually, she likes to snuggle in right at the top:





We'll see how she digs the baby, if at all.

The reality

We went to our natural childbirth class at the birth center on Thursday. We had our appointment with the MW earlier in the day and we knew that someone had come in labor. Later in the evening right before class was to start, I was wandering the hallway (my back was not cooperating and I think I was having false labor contractions that made it REALLY uncomfortable to sit) and I could hear the woman moaning. At first, I'll admit, it scared the shit out of me. Then, I could not stop listening. Once the class got started someone came out to tell one of our class instructors that she was ready to push, so she excused herself and our class continued. I listened the entire time that woman was pushing. And then there was silence.

Holy shit she just had a baby!

About an hour after the instructor excused herself she returned (in a different outfit) and jumped right back into class. Also, she's about nine months pregnant. The other instructor then excused herself, saying she was on call for the next week and a half so she was going to go and get some rest.

Wow. It was exactly what I needed to see. Cool, calm, and collected. Just having that around you can make such a big difference.

Since we started this class late I am also the furthest along in the group. That is a weird feeling.

We are suppose to get a hell of a snow storm this weekend and my plan is to wash diapers (I did one more binge. I'll have pictures later) and stay snuggled in. I will nap and maybe get out some Christmas decorations.